Windows 8 Conspiracy Theories

I’ve heard several conspiracy theories about Windows 8, and figured I’d compile the list here. Win8 represents a gut-wrenching change for millions – perhaps hundreds of millions – of people. It’s only reasonable that conspiracy theories would pop up. Here are my favorites….

TOO MANY TILES THEORY

Windows Phone sales aren’t anywhere near what Microsoft expected, and it’s faced with warehouses full of extra tiles. Solution? Bundle them into Windows 8 and sell at a steep discount.

Okay. I said they were conspiracy theories, yes?

SINOFSKY TAKES A BULLET THEORY

Here’s an interesting one – and I think there’s some truth to it. Everybody at Microsoft knows that Windows on the desktop is dying. So what do you do? Build a touch-friendly interface, sure. But who’s going to be in charge of the effort? The person who leads the drive to the touch interface is going to be subject to enormous amounts of derision and ridicule, from all sides.

That’s why Sinofsky’s in charge of this project. He’s the heir apparent to Ballmer’s seat, and nothing’s going to change that. Who better to take the bullet for the first touch-friendly version of Windows?

THE EVERY-OTHER VERSION OF WINDOWS SUCKS THEORY

You’ve heard this one: Windows 98 was great; Windows Me sucked; XP was incredible; Vista bombed; Win7 rocks; thus, Win8 will be a dog.

Here’s the part of the conspiracy theory you probably haven’t heard: Microsoft’s marketing people have determined that corporate licensing purchases keep on going, as long as there’s only one dog separating two stellar efforts. Companies renew their contracts, realizing the current version sucks, anticipating that the next one won’t be so bad. Thus, Win8 has been planned from the start to be sucky.

Combine this with the Sinofsky Takes a Bullet Theory,  and who knows?

THE START MENU’S COMING BACK IN RC THEORY

I think this one also has some validity — may even turn out to be true.

Microsoft released both the Developer Preview and Consumer Preview without the Start menu, knowing full well there would be a huge uproar. Microsoft has been planning all along to reinstate the Start menu in the RC build.

Why? The press. If MS brought back the Start menu, the mainstream press, in particular, would heap praises on Microsoft for listening to its customers – and largely overlook any minor problems with the RC.

So those are my favorite conspiracy theories. Have any of your own you’d like to share?