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  • Magical Spells, PC's and Windows-Have Any Faves?

    Posted on Nibbled To Death By Ducks Comment on the AskWoody Lounge

    Home Forums Outside the box Fun Stuff Magical Spells, PC's and Windows-Have Any Faves?

    This topic contains 18 replies, has 15 voices, and was last updated by  OscarCP 1 day ago.

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    • #1978061 Reply

      Ok, this is pure goofiness, but when all else fails, does anyone have a favorite magical spell, ritual, or gesture (oops) they go through to make the machine run right when nothing else does, like:

      1. Running around the block clockwise, touching an object made of Oak, coming back inside and yelling something at the PC like, “Flub Hamphorhash!”
      2. Deep meditation
      3. Curses in Olde Erske
      4. Putting some cookies and milk overnight in the office for The PC Fairies
      5. Facing Redmond while reciting either blessings or dire imprecations out of a medieval text on “Witchheree”
      6. Having a scotch with your PC, I mean REALLY emptying a tumbler into it

      Etc, etc, etc….just curious.  🙂

      Win7 Pro SP1 64-bit, Dell Latitude E6330, Intel CORE i5 "Ivy Bridge", Group "Wait for the all-clear", Multiple Air-Gapped backup drives in different locations, "Don't check for updates-Full Manual Mode."
      --
      "...All the people, all the time..." (Peter Ustinov ad-lib from "Logan's Run")

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #1978062 Reply

      mn–
      AskWoody Lounger

      I am the

      magical spell, ritual, or gesture

      … no, really, a number of people are convinced that things just magically start to work when they get my attention.

      And then I just mark those as “unable to reproduce – worked just fine when I got there”.

      One of these was fun though – the silly thing worked as long as I was standing within 5 m of it, but…

      And then there was that one HP workstation that wouldn’t boot up for anyone else, just kept spinning in Power-On Self-Test. So, it ended up on my desk and I used it for years. (At a previous job.)

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #1981148 Reply

        barcud
        AskWoody Plus

        Yeah,

        I used the magic incantation:  ” Show Me”.

        …and they couldn’t – problem solved!

        1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #1978063 Reply

      Kirsty
      Da Boss

      I’ve often threatened technology with being thrown out the window, from the second storey (made me feel better; did little to fix the computer, sadly)…
      Yes, I’ve tried the walk around the block, weeding a patch of the vege garden, making a batch of muffins (“procrasti-baking”), all of which helped the blood pressure to reduce.

      I like the idea of leaving out food for the tech-pixies!

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #1978071 Reply

      BobbyB
      AskWoody Lounger

      Having a scotch with your PC, I mean REALLY emptying a tumbler into it

      Hmm emptying the Scotch in to the owner rather than the Machine has an amazing therapeutic effect accompanied by a few well chosen expletives, I find works wonders.
      Doesnt actually fix anything, but the repair process leaves you with the nice warm feeling inside and all becomes well with PC and owner.
      If all else fails Kirsty’s Window Scenario gets due consideration or it’ll wait til tomorrow 😉

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #1978089 Reply

        mn–
        AskWoody Lounger

        … well, there are situations where alcohol in the computer might be appropriate. Such as after coffee. (Though I usually use 2-propanol for that.)

        Yes, once had someone tip about a full pint of very creamy coffee into a computer. One of those “hybrid laptop” models with too many moving parts like a 2-way rotating hinge, too. Oh well, pull the battery, disassemble everything, then use the solvent and air to float the coffee and cream out of all the nooks, crannies and underside of various components… no permanent damage.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #1978091 Reply

      Paul T
      AskWoody MVP

      I always found talking nicely to them works – at least that’s what I tell the users.

      cheers, Paul

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #1978156 Reply

      The Surfing Pensioner
      AskWoody Plus

      I’ve often noticed that, where a reboot doesn’t fix the issue, booking a P.C. technician’s visit not infrequently gets everything working again, long before he arrives……………something to do with a legislator called Murphy………………………

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #1978241 Reply

      anonymous

      ? says:

      yes! the magic for me has been learning Linux…

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #1978252 Reply

      willygirl
      AskWoody Plus

      I blast Jackson Browne’s “Lawyers In Love” or some Joan Jett in the background and all seems to work well. Bit of a rebel the PC is.

      Win7 SP1 Home 64-bit, GrpA

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #1978279 Reply

      wavy
      AskWoody Plus

      And then there was that one HP workstation that wouldn’t boot up for anyone else, just kept spinning in Power-On Self-Test. So, it ended up on my desk and I used it for years. (At a previous job.)

      A good security feature ?

      🍻

      Just because you don't know where you are going doesn't mean any road will get you there.
      • This reply was modified 1 week, 2 days ago by  wavy.
      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #1978282 Reply

      wavy
      AskWoody Plus

      (“procrasti-baking”)

      🥧 🍰
      ROTFL

      🍻

      Just because you don't know where you are going doesn't mean any road will get you there.
      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #1978328 Reply

      Ascaris
      AskWoody_MVP

      I find that anoining the PC’s USB port with a magical charm (that looks like a flash drive marked “Aomei”/”Acronis”/”Macrium”/”Veeam”), followed by a ritual rebirthing of the PC, and finally laying on hands (well, a finger anyway) on a specific key, often F2, works wonders.  You’ll know you’ve laid on hands properly when the PC echoes the ritual words of “boot override menu,” though different PCs will visually emit the words in different dialects.  The laying on of hands then moves to the arrow keys, which must be pressed gently and in succession until the empowerment of the talisman is indicated. Don’t worry… it sounds vague, but you will know it when you see it. Lay on the hands on the enter key, and the important part of the ritual will start.

      Despite being the victim at the center of the ritual, the PC will now lead the ceremony through the incredible power of the talisman. Often, this will require anointing another USB port with a second talisman, often much larger than the first. Continue to follow the PC’s words and lay on hands in the manner it indicates to perform a chant known as “restore from backup image” (again, dialects will vary). Keep repeating the cycle of observing the PC’s words and responding in kind until the PC indicates that the ritual has completed.  At that point, initiate another cleansing rebirth of the PC, and it should have its former health and potency restored.

      Magic!

      Group "L" (KDE Neon User Edition 5.17.0).

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #1978399 Reply

      Microfix
      Da Boss

      a prayer to the mythological greek god Hephaestus,
      then I’ll walk around the room three times on that given patch day.

      ********** Win7 x64/x86 | Win8.1 x64 | Linux Hybrids x64 **********

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #1978558 Reply

      OscarCP
      AskWoody Plus

      Two things that often work for me:

      (1) I curse loudly (in two languages) the machine, the operating system, the people behind all that: engineers, developers, those overpaid individuals who run MS. Whether this is fair or not, it is often effective. Which is the point of the exercise. But it is better if I do this when I am working alone in my home office, for some reason.

      (2) Because I am fully capable to do this: I pat my head with one hand and rub my tummy in a circular motion with the other. Works often enough, besides feeling, often enough, like this is the only magic spell available, when it comes to exorcising evil Windows glitches.

      And now that it has been brought up here, I am also considering the “whisky” technique. Hmmmm…  Maybe next time?

      Windows 7 Professional, SP1, x64 Group B & macOS + Linux (Mint) => Win7 Group W(?) + Mac&Lx

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #1981105 Reply

      anonymous

      Not for the faint of heart and pretty much a final solution. Had a customer with a wonky server that refused to perform properly even after multiple massages, spa treatments and other incantations (which are not suitable for mixed company).

      So it went to the range and the staff pumped about fifteen .45 caliber rounds into it, followed by the director using a 12 gauge to complete the process. The side panel now hangs in their server room as warning to the other servers and not a single one has even hiccuped in years.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #1984259 Reply

      poppylochridge
      AskWoody Plus

      Until my RITA melted in a sunny window, I regularly introduced newer techs to the procedure of troubleshooting with a RITA.

      https://tools.ietf.org/html/rfc2321

      1 user thanked author for this post.
      • #1984369 Reply

        OscarCP
        AskWoody Plus

        RITA is designed to help troubleshoot nondeterministic problems, that is problems that happen randomly for unknown or even unknowable reasons. Usual situation, in my MS Windows experience, already spanning from Windows 95  through 7. If I had known of this device called RITA as early as 1998, my life could have been much easier and uneventful, although probably not as interesting.

        And not only RITA  can help troubleshoot nondeterministic problems in both software and hardware, it can also help sort out religious matters! And these can be, sometimes, even harder to comprehend than MS Windows moods and volatility of temper.

        I value as particularly illuminating the reference to (Theodore) Sturgeon’s Rule, that defines what 90% of everything is really like.

         

        Windows 7 Professional, SP1, x64 Group B & macOS + Linux (Mint) => Win7 Group W(?) + Mac&Lx

    • #1984280 Reply

      MrJimPhelps
      AskWoody_MVP

      I wish I could think of something I have done over the years. There is one thing I did once: There were two users who both had mouse problems. I simply swapped mice, and both started working! No logic, just trying something on a lark.

      As far as shooting the server, one time I shot my TV with a shotgun. The TV kept getting more and more white dots on the screen. It was black Friday, and we got a really good deal on a brand new, super good TV, so I took the old one to the woods and shot it a few times with a shotgun. I’ve seen cartoons where people shot the TV or threw their shoe through it, and I said to myself, Now is my chance!

      Group "L" (Linux Mint)
      with Windows 8.1 running in a VM

    Please follow the -Lounge Rules- no personal attacks, no swearing, and politics/religion are relegated to the Rants forum.

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